Keeping very busy at the moment, have so much in my head. Training's back on track, too. The thing with me is, I've noticed over the last 3 years, everytime I achieve something - I then want to better it straight away, I spend my life not giving myself enough credit for things I've done and beat myself up about everything!! It's not such a bad thing, it certainly drives me on to want more for me & my family. It's like my running, I hate it most of the time, the only time I actually enjoy a run is when we're heading home, but it wont beat me, I will carry on until I'm getting some kind of pleasure out of it. If it wasn't for the charity that I'm doing it all for, then it might be a very different story!?! I dont know if I'll keep running when the London Marathon & the Great North Run are done this year, but I have actually inquired about places in the New York Marathon for next year, yes I'm mad, but anyone who knows me well enough will tell you how determined I am when I put my mind to it!!! Went for a long run first thing Sunday morning with my hunk of hoo. It was such a beautiful morning, made even better by the fact it was my ickle mans 11th birthday, yay. He had a lovely birthday weekend and got very spoilt 'obviously' lol. Monday we went back to Alder Hey for his big M.O.T. Everything went really well and his consultant was very pleased with his progress and he dropped two of his drugs. Now he can go back to playing his beloved footy and also playing out at break times at school. He came back the other day saying he feels much better when he's playing and he doesn't get out of puff as much and even his friends have noticed too, bless!
January's always a very busy appointment time for all of us. On average we have 4 appointments a week between Christopher, Millie and myself. Millie was back at RPH on Thursday to see her cleft lip & palate team from Alder Hey. It went ok, Millie now needs more surgery at the back of her throat because there's a large gap in her muscles there and they think it will help with her speech if corrected. They also think because of Millie's Cerebral Palsy she may have a delay on her speech and signals coming from her brain. That was a shock for us all, but it does fit with things she's experienced academically. This will be Millie's 8th operation and I know it's going to be the hardest one for her because most of her previous surgery she cant remember because she was so little. They think Millie's op will be this summer at some point and it will all be done at Alder Hey!!! She wont be able to eat any solids for 3 weeks post op, but Millie's been through all that before when she wasn't allowed solids for over 6 weeks.
Today, I've been for an M.R.I scan at Fulwood hospital. Over the last year I've been for a series of tests. Once upon a time I would never go near a hospital for myself or to any well womans clinic because of my size. I didn't want anyone ever knowing my weight as I was so ashamed about it. So now when they send for me to have any tests I automatically want them done to make sure I'm fit and well. Today was an experience, the tunnel thing I could cope with, it was the noise and I suppose it didn't help that I needed a wee very badly and I had to stay in this tunnel, very still for half an hour. While I was lying there, I was taken back to when it was my 26th birthday and Millie went into hospital to have a C.A.T scan on her brain. She was just 6 weeks old and we chose not to have her sedated to keep her still. She, as she always is, was amazing and stayed still and never cried the whole time she was strapped down and inside the scan tunnel. I remember when the results came back a few weeks later, they stated that Millie had a shrinkage on one side of her brain and we should keep an eye on her to see if she was developing normally. Another moment in our lives when I felt my heart had been ripped out and blamed myself for Millie's problems. We were then told to wait and see how Millie developed. Up until that point, apart from Millie having fits for the first few days of her life and having a cleft lip and palate, we thought there was nothing else wrong. Millie carried on showing no signs of brain damage, then at 6 months old our health visitor thought there was something wrong down the left side of Millie's body and sent her to The Willows in Preston to be assessed, that's when her Hemi-pleghia - cerebral palsy- was diagnosed. Thinking about that today made me feel so grateful, Millie could have so easily been confined to a wheelchair and mentally not with us. She's such a fighter.
Another thing that struck me was the size of the tunnel itself. There wasn't that much room around me, I certainly wouldn't have fitted in when I was 14 stone heavier, even if they had have squeezed me in there!! They play you a cd while your're lying there and the one they put on for me was the same cd I use to listen to when I first started walking around Longridge to lose weight, now that did make me chuckle, if it wasn't for the nurse telling me before I went into the tunnel to keep very still I would have been dancing away to the tunes and smiling!!!!! x
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