Wednesday 13th July

D-Day!! Got up at 5am, not that I slept much anyway. Big Chris drove to Alder Hey, with me sat in the back of the car with Christopher and Millie, watching Fred Clause on the DVD player!!!??. We got to the hospital ward just before 7.30am. Christopher's surgeon greeted us, we have a chat then sign the consent forms. We sit around waiting on the ward for about an hour trying to take Christopher's mind off what's going to happen. I cant really explain how I'm feeling, its a mixture of a lot of things, like pure terror, fear, worry, stress and even joy at the thought of our little man having a much better and longer life. He's struggled through the last tens years, living day to day with only half a heart. He needs this surgery before it's too late. This will save his life!
Just before 9am, Christopher is taken to theatre and he chooses his Daddy to go with him into the sleepy room,  I am the most pathetic person when it comes to seeing any of my babies suffer. We've been told the operation will take 6-8 hours. We all go over to Ronald McDonald House, where I'll be staying, to sit out the long wait. It's nearly 3pm and we start thinking my bedroom phone will ring at anytime with news. Nope, still waiting, 5pm comes and goes. By 7pm we're all actually starting to panic. Then at 8.45pm the phone rings and one of Chrisopher's nurses tells us he's out of theatre and we can go to Intensive Care to meet with his surgeons and see Christopher. Phewwwwwwwww, everything up to that point sounded so positive!
We get to the Intensive Care Unit and I just feel something isnt quite right, Christopher's surgeon starts talking us through his operation and throws into the conversation that Christopher gave them a couple of interesting times. Hmmmmm, I thought about that for a second then asked them to explain what they ment. We were then told about some scary times at the start of his operation when they struggled stemming a bleed in Christopher's heart and then they had to make the decision to attache Christopher to the heart & lung by-pass machine through the artery in his groin. Which they don't usually do. We were told he had a rough time and that was why it had taken nearly 11 hours instead of 6-8. While Christopher's comfortable on ICU breathing through a ventilator, I stay with him most of the night and Chris, Millie & Alex travel home. Sometime around midnight I go into shock and can't shake the fear of what might have been. I don't stop crying for the next few hours. Eventually I go over to Ronald McDonald House and try to sleep for a few hours. I'm overwhelmed with grief.